Oh my goodness, I have to tell you what I saw right now, just this minute, just after Lyn and I had our post-spin class at the gym.

Walking down Clarendon Street, South Melbourne there she was. A girl not much taller than me, although she was looking quite big boned so the 5 foot 1 inch of her appeared larger. But guess what she was wearing – a Sass and Bide denim skirt (if I’m being funny I sometimes call them Sassy Bidet – that’s a French word for toilet – but Cathy glares at me). It looked like it had been stretched to fit her and the stone wash pattern on her cheeks (yes, those cheeks!) just made her look even bigger. I mean she must have been a size 12 – way too big for that label by any means. Everyone knows those skinny minny girls just design for their skinny minny friends…and Ms Clarendon Street wasn’t one of them. What on earth was she thinking and while I’m on it – denim, black stockings and knee length black boots…denim and black boots I’m never sure anyone can carry off.

But there she was, this girl, wandering along with her black knit scrunched up around her waist, her chunky nugget of a bottom following her and the whole stonewashed thing just simply not working with her Melbourne work-a-day winter leg wear. I wonder how much she paid for that skirt. She didn’t look like the sort who shops at those recycled stores either. I bet she paid full price for that stonewashed dish rag. I mean, sure, wear the Sassy Bidet but don’t look like one. And you need heels. Anyone wearing Sass and Bidet needs heels – stacks of them. Those skinny leg jeans (only in dark denim) only work with heels. Its all about height and the silhouette. Even with their mini mini short shorts...

The only Sissy Bidet I own is a blouse in pale lemon satin. Just perfect with my charcoal pants when I have a slightly more formal lunch to go to although that is one of the problems with that label – I just don’t think they are formal enough. It's nice to look at but where to wear them - not in my life anyway. And they don't look comfortable to me (for me I mean – and I am a size 6-8 depending on breakfast). Jeans. The world has been overtaken by jeans. ‘You can dress them up or down – ‘liar liar pants on fire’ – you can’t. They are jeans. But if you are going to buy jeans (and wear them – I know Leonie just buys the latest ranges from all the groovy labels but NEVER wears them) at least never buy the pale, stonewashed, ripped kind of jeans. Boring. Cheap looking. Not good for your image or your self-esteem I’d say.

Anyway, that was my morning. Spin class, Clarendon Street, a quick look at Kamikaze and now home. About to get ready for lunch. It’s Abbey’s birthday and we are all off to the Stokehouse for lunch. Divine. Open fires, cute waiters and wine. And the kids are being picked up by Charles’ PA – thank god she makes herself useful once in a while. Must go and have a shower and dress.

I’ve got one last question though. What do you think about my name? Elaine. Boring as it has always been. No, I mean my new version of it: El. Do you think I should tell everyone to call me that now? I like it but I also wondered about just ‘Laine’ – sounds a little too golf pro doesn’t it – or is she a surfer? Let me know.
xx
El(aine)